“A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”
For us compulsive list-makers it’s that time of year again, when we reflect on the years successes and challenges, then make the necessary adjustments and resolutions for the New Year. So, how have you done?
Reflecting on my own circumstances, most of the items on my 2010 list have been addressed (including #3, start a blog), some more successfully than others. Everything that needed to happen happened – not always as I would have liked, but, then again, life is rarely like that, is it? Certainly not for me. My 2010 list wasn’t overly ambitious by any means. Nonetheless life, once again, had an alternate plan for me – a plan that involved me turning into an emotional piñata for most of the year.
2010 has been the year of taking out my psychological garbage. Through blow after blow of circumstances that you would not friggin believe if I told you, I’ve had to confront every tumultuous event and relationship from my past. 26 years crammed into one. Which has been, to put it mildly, DRAINING. But, very necessary. It’s all part of a process I’m going through now, of getting my collective shit together, stabilising my life, finding “my people” – in, essence, growing up.
But it hasn’t all been cash-flow droughts and personal crises. The year has had some bizarre highs, great fun, and brought into my life some incredible new people, particularly in the second half of the year – people I know will play a big role in my life in the years to come. One of the biggest, richest blessings has been discovering and connecting to my “sistahood” – beautiful, creative young Australian Pacific Women boldly and fearlessly forging their own unique paths in life. Women for whom life, love, art, music and family are inextricably intertwined… my kind of women. In fact, connecting to young creative Pacific entrepreneurs in general, and hooking into that network, that was seemingly on my doorstep all along, has opened up my mind to a plethora of opportunities and ideas I intend to explore further in 2011.
Finding this network of like-minded yet completely unique and diverse creatives has made me think harder about the beauty of the shared experience, and my own personal identity. I love meeting people from all kinds of backgrounds, and I feel very fortunate that the people in my life – hell, even in my neighbourhood – are an incredibly and richly diverse bunch – different backgrounds, ages, politics, and tastes. But one of the really interesting things that 2010 has brought me has been the experience of meeting people with whom I shared more than just a common humanity. Meeting other progressive, artistic and community-oriented Pacific people with a similar creative approach to living has been a very healing experience, and given me the first taste of camaraderie I think I have ever really had. Similarly, finding intellectually, politically, and comically like-minded crips (excuse, me but I love that word!) has been another huge blessing in my life this year. It’s been nice… as someone who has never really fit in anywhere, I don’t feel like such an island anymore. Crippledom is hard at times, and it’s nice to talk to people who understand what you might be going through.
I’ve also found my confidence as a writer, and as a creative person. No longer do I go to my computer to write and worry that nothing will come out – one of the biggest psychological blocks for me in the past. The only reason I feel “jammed” these days is because too many ideas want to come out at the same time, or because of a poor nights sleep. No longer, too, am I worried about how my thoughts and ideas will be received and perceived… another huge burden off my shoulders.
And my screenwriting education continues!!! Despite the heavy health set backs that forced me to go part-time with my studies this year. I am really thankful to be in my screenwriting course, for my inspiring, supportive teachers, and look forward to (hopefully, less interrupted) studies next year. I will be continuing part time study in 2011 whilst I focus on taking better care of my body and some out-of-school creative projects. My body is the biggest casualty of all the craziness of 2010. I’m now 6kilos lighter than I was at the beginning of the year. Given that my weight (or lack of) has always been a barometer of how well I’m taking care of myself, this is not good. If all goes well, I will be completing my studies in 2012, then possibly pursue a Communications degree afterwards. It’s a tough road that I’ve chosen, pursuing a creative/communications career after so many years in the wilderness of “what the FUCK?!”, but I really do know now that it’s the right road for me.
Last week I had dinner with my writing partner/long time homey, back in Melbourne for the holidays, at our regular dive – we’ve been meeting up there and discussing our fucked up love lives, the series, and engaging in long-ass slightly drunken philosophical and political debates since we conceived this creative collaboration. Our friendship has always been, for lack of a better word, karmic: we were born 9 hours apart, the television series we are working on was conceived independently by both of us at the time, and there have always been unsettling (and, sometimes, hilarious) parallels between our lives. During the course of the evening it became apparent that we are both going through a process now of overcoming the unhealthy self-defeating patterns from yesteryear, so we can build our future successes on solid ground. At some point the manager, who knows our faces all too well, came over to tell us that it was his last day in the job – he was moving on to greener pastures. After shooting the shit for a little while and regaling him with some tales of mishegoss, he said to us “you should turn this into a television show!”. Further conversation revealed his own screenwriter connection and the “bundles of money” to be made in the business. I don’t know about the “bundles of money” part. But we just had to laugh at how random yet spot on his observations about us were (he fairly accurately pegged her as my muse).
At closing time, after showing me a picture of his screenwriter friend, and warning me to get a better, professional one when I finally have some credits under my name, it was time to head home. After shaking his hand and receiving his sincere best wishes for our future endeavours, my friend looked at me and said “ This is the end of an era. If that wasn’t a sign, I don’t know what the fuck is”.
The end of an era, yes. And the beginning of a new one.
Happy New Year.
PS. A fb friends status today that made me chortle: “Dear Universe, in 2011 my intention is to kick it in the dick. I would be most grateful for any assistance you could offer in this regard.” AMEN to that.